I walked the city at night, with a man by my side.
The lights, the warmth of the summers night, creating a romantic feeling on it’s own.
Little bars, cafés, people talking and laughing, the city alive with tourists and loving couples.
And I considered taking his hand, holding his hand.
It felt so normal, and I wanted to love.
As we walked side by side, his hand was only a thought away.
A thought of eternity.
But our hands were parted from each other for more than a year.
We were divorced.

And I had to fight the tears.
The tears because I did not love him anymore.
The tears because I had no hand to hold.
There was no going back.

Fourteen years earlier.
They stood by the sea, gathered at the shore of the ocean, to get married.
With the hopes for a life time.
Which turned to dust.

I will never completely get over the fact that we once did love each other.


Second try.

He stood there by the ocean, looking out over the sea.
Proud, strong, like a conqueror.
And he just had conquered.
My heart.

Roughly a day ago, he had picked me up from the train station.
First meeting in life, while in cyber weeks ago.
And now he stood there, looking at the ocean, and I was sitting a few steps away, looking up to him.
Looking at him, thinking “so this is the man I will spend the rest of my life with”.
I DID think that.
As if that was a fact that was decided by other forces and wills than mine.
Observing him as if to decide how happy I was with my fate.

Someone was not, because he dumped me.
Maybe a conqueror does not stay, not for too long.

My second ‘happily ever after’ that failed.

I will never completely get over the fact that we once did love each other.


And now again.
There is a heart.

He is no conqueror.
And he does not look out over the ocean.
He looks into my eyes.

And again I enter forever.


 © AngelikaJahn 2013



About blue

I am a divorced single mum to a teenage kid, and at present re-emigrating to my homecountry Germany. Writing helps me to clear my thoughts, but as well to turn sadness, fear, and regret into something beautiful and release it from my heart.
This entry was posted in All Poems, Goodbye, Hope, Love, Sadness and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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