Mental Health Awareness Week – depression

sitting-in-darkness

I am lying on my bed
staring at the ceiling
no feelings
dead inside

I know I ought to go out
buy food
and so I get dressed

leave my bedroom
take my jacket, my purse, go to the front door
the door that shields me from the outside world

I stand before it
looking at it

and there is a wall
an invisible wall
I can’t go through it
I stand there, but can’t open the door
I just can’t

so I turn around
and go back to my room
take off my clothes
and lie back down again
in my bed, my shelter

eventually I will get so hungry that I NEED to go out
and then I will do so
but right now my hunger is too small, too weak,
to get me through that wall
so I wait

That was 16 years ago
if you haven’t been there, you might not ever understand


©AngelikaJahn 2013

image:google

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About blue

I am a divorced single mum to a teenage kid, and at present re-emigrating to my homecountry Germany. Writing helps me to clear my thoughts, but as well to turn sadness, fear, and regret into something beautiful and release it from my heart.
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