Today was a grey, grey day.
So grey and uneventful, almost too meaningless to deserve to be called a day.
I would need some memories to brighten, to colour, to warm this day up.
But all these memories that would apply to lighten THIS day up, are still too new, too rough, too harsh, and much too hurtful.
Like a handfull of newly cut rocks thrown into the ocean, their edges are harsh,
and cut into my hands like blades when I kneel at the shores of my heart to take them up to look at them.
The older memories are smoother, and don’t hurt anymore, but they are paler as well, and not as heartwarming.
One of these rocks I had to think of today when I walked by the ocean:
One Saturday, my ex-Love and I were sitting on some smooth flat rocks by the ocean, both facing the view over the sea.
He leaned His back against one higher rock, and I sat between His legs, leaning myself against His chest,
feeling the warmth of His body, feeling His arms around me, feeling His love.
We were drinking take-out coffee and eating chocolate.
A sweet scene, a couple by the ocean, enjoying one of the last sunny days of late summer…
These images I try to project into the future,
to not forget that it is possible,
to have a goal to strive for,
and to not settle for less.
One day, again…
© AngelikaJahn 2012